'ello, haven't updated for a while. Had a few things do to and places to go. Anyway, here's a short story I've wrote. Had it published in a sf/f fanzin even.
author: Rhaegar
language: slovene
genre: fantasy/horror
summary :peasant wench Veronika is accused of witchcraft and burned
rating: PG-17 (off-screen gore/torture)
VEŠČA
Toliko krvi. Topla in čudno lepljiva ji je mezela na prosto in ji počasi, kot mala rdeča zrna sveže omlatenega žita, kapljala na snežno belo krilo, razprostrto in mokro vpojno. Pogled ji je zakrivala velika rdeča gmota in ko je dvignila mokre rjave oči in v obupu iskala prijetnejše stvari, rdeče pokrajine ni bilo konca, tam pa, kjer bi se moralo začeti svetlo nebo, jo je spet čakala le - kri.
Od nekod je prihajalo čudno, poznano bobnenje in oddaljeni grom ji je naznanjal, da se nekaj bliža. Skušala je prisluhniti in razumeti, razbrati pomen glasov. Sedaj se je šele zavedla, da kriči na ves glas v smrtnem strahu, njen zov strašne bolečine ji odmeva v glavi, neznano bobnenje pa je zamolklo razbijanje njenega srca, ki poskakuje v mladih prsih.
"Sedaj, ko ste se nekoliko omehčali, gospodična," je nadaljeval inkvizitor, "lahko nadaljujemo z našim malim pogovorom." In od tod prihaja grom.
Z naporom je odmaknila od slanih solz mokre oči od roke, ki jo je pestovala v drugi, prsti so bili skrčeni v neznanski bolečini, kjer bi morali biti nohti, pa so žuboreli le krvavi izviri, kaplje so padale na tla kot zrna iz praznega klasja.
''To zadevo, zagotovo skrajno neprijetno, tako Vam kot tudi meni, gospodična,'' je vljudno nadaljeval v pražnjo obleko napravljeni mladenič in polistal po tankem snopu listov, ki so ležali na mizi. ''lahko končamo hitro in razmeroma neboleče, v okviru možnosti seveda, lahko pa se zgodi, vkolikor ne bo zadostnega sodelovanja z Vaše strani, da bo jako boleče. Izbira je povsem Vaša.'' Zraven je uradni mučitelj odložil klešče in pregledoval obsežno zbirko orodja.
''In, Tibor,'' je dodal inkvizitor. ''Poskusi tokrat narediti po pravilih. Nič prelivanja krvi.''
Mar bi bil ga na to prej opozoril, si je mislila Veronika in pazljivo premaknila okrvavljeno roko, bolečina jo je neprestano sekala navzgor po životu.
''Kakor ukažejo, gospod,'' je ta pokimal. ''Imam dovolj drugih pripomočkov, da naša ptičica zapoje.''
Veronika je debelo pogoltnila slino in skušala odmakniti oči od mučilnih priprav, proti svoji volji zmedeno begala s pogledom po njih, po sobici in se naposled ustavila na ispraševalcu. Odmevanje v njenih ušesih jo je opozorilo, da jo je nekaj vprašal.
''Kako prosim? Lahko ponovite?''
Inkvizitor je le nejevoljno zmajal z glavo in nato ponovil vprašanje. ''Glede očitanih dejanj. Kako se izrekate glede svoje odgovornosti? Kriva ali nedolžna?''
''Saj ne, da je pomembno za postopek, ali priznam ali ne, kajneda?'' je s kislim glasom izbesedovalo dekle.
''Imajo gospodična kar prav,'' se je nekolikanj nasmehnil inkvizitor.
''Česa natančno sem sploh osumljena?'' je skušala zavlačevati, vedoča pri sebi, da ji ni pomoči.
''Čarovništva, kakopak,'' je jasnega pogledal povedal možakar. ''Ovadba je bila povsem jasno podana, o krivdi po vsej verjetnosti spoh ni potrebno razglabljati. Le priznati morate gospodična in potem postopek lahko zaključimo. Manj boleče za Vas in manj dela za mene.''
''Laži,'' je zajokala Veronika. ''To so le laži, klavete.''
Šele sedaj je v kotu, sključenega na majhnem stolčku, opazila suhega mladeniča, ki je s sklonjeno glavo molče spremljal ves postopek.
''Bor,'' je tiho sklonila glavo. ''Ti si jim povedal.''
''Bo kar držalo,'' je prek spisa pogledal inkvizitor. ''Uslužni cesarjev podložnik je premogel toliko zavesti, da je podal celotno zgodbo. Precej prepričljivo, če smem tako dodati.''
''Bor, zakaj mi to delaš?'' je tiho dejala Veronika. ''Kaj nisem bila dobra s teboj?''
''Um, saj nisem hotel, da pride do tega, Veri, um,'' je zajecljal ta. ''Um, nisem mislil, da bodo resno vzeli, um, ampak, če je res, kaj si bila pa takiste uganjala, um, čarovnico za si se izkazala, um. Ne bi me smela takrat pustiti, veš. Ni bilo lepo.'' Le glavo je sklonila ob tem Veronika, tiho zaihtela.
''Ničesar ne bom priznala,'' je kljubovalno odkimala.
''Priznanje očitanega greha pa je na žalost pogoj za obsodbo,'' se je odkašljal inkvizitor. ''Tibor, če bi bil lahko tako prijazen in pripravil hruško,''
''Ne,'' je jecnila Veronika, ''Ne hruške. Nikari.''
Prošnje niso pomagale in upiranje ter kričanje še manj; postopek je tekel naprej.
Stal je med množico, ki se je zbrala, da bi spremlajal današnje sežige čarovnic. Četudi je bilo hladno jutro, se je nabralo mnogo ljudi, niso ravno vsak dan gonili deklin na grmado. Le vsak drugi dan, včasih še poredkeje.
Na glavni trg sta jo privedla grajska biriča, jo osorno suvala pred seboj. Razmršenih dolgih las in okrvavljenega krila je Veronika jokaje šepala naprej, se sem in tja se ustavila ter bolčala v prazno predse, dokler je stražarja nista sunila naprej.
Povsem slučajno so se ustavili pred njim, saj je bil birič preosoren in je dekle klecnilo v blato ob poti. Zagledala ga je in nekaj dejala.
Njen glas, četudi tih in dekliško mil, mu v uho je bil slišen kakor krik umirajočega in sik strupene kače obenem. "Tvoj pes je imel večjega od tebe."
Ko je bila baklja pristavljena na grmado in kasneje, ko so ognjeni zublji že lizali mlado telo na lesenem vrhu, kasneje bolj, ko je mladenka v poslednjem dahu tulila v pekoči bolečini in se ji je ulil mali potok med nogami, ki se je spremenil v paro skoraj istočasno, kasneje, ko je postava že skoraj popolnoma zoglenela in so se ljudje vaški začeli razhajati, in tudi še mnogo kasneje, ko je on sam v hladni dvorani s počenim glasom prosil v hladni nočni zrak, da lahko poda priznanje, mu je v poslednjem delčku zblojenega uma kot zagnojena iver v očesu brlela le ena misel. Zakaj še vedno slišim njen porogljivi smeh?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
We Got Motherfuckin' Bugs on Board!
Keyboard, that is XD. I'm not talkin' about ants, bees and whatnot, but those small little bugs you get in the yard. They tend to crawl aroud the keyboard, creeping in little holes, even fly in front of the monitor and land on it like it's some fragin' airport. And that's the forth floor we're talking here, not some basement, where it's dark and cold, and wet, perfect for the bugs to reproduce. Had an overgrown cricket last week too. Kriffin' buggers, the lot of them.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Boards Don't Hit Back
Had a bad feeling about this crappy autumn weather, and sadly I was right. The poor basketball board in the backyard had enough of it and just fell of. Broken into little pieces, splinters even. It's not as if I didn't see it coming. Sooner or later the thing would certainly go Death Star what with all the rain and wind and whatnot. It's been there, right next to the garage door for as long as ten years, no less. Played basketball there I did, aye. But that was before the dark times, before the knee injury. Rest in pieces.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Now Playing vol.1
Random playlist of my recent songs, read and see; maybe listen to some.
I loath pretty much the whole western pop and mtv/viva rap/r&b wanabes, and my home musicians only have bright times here and there, so it's j-pop and metal mostly for me, some classics and rock too.
ayumi hamasaki: moments
faye wong: xiang nai er, love letter to myself
utada hikaru: sakura drops
nightwish:higher then hope, angels fall first
lacuna coil: heaven's a lie,
within temptation: swan song, angels, running up that hill
sonata arctica: forest of unicorns
vanessa mae: pachelbel's canon
the cardigans: carnival
gorillaz: el manana
gnarl barkley: go go gadget gospel
red hot chili pappers: otherside
foo fighters: best of you
I loath pretty much the whole western pop and mtv/viva rap/r&b wanabes, and my home musicians only have bright times here and there, so it's j-pop and metal mostly for me, some classics and rock too.
ayumi hamasaki: moments
faye wong: xiang nai er, love letter to myself
utada hikaru: sakura drops
nightwish:higher then hope, angels fall first
lacuna coil: heaven's a lie,
within temptation: swan song, angels, running up that hill
sonata arctica: forest of unicorns
vanessa mae: pachelbel's canon
the cardigans: carnival
gorillaz: el manana
gnarl barkley: go go gadget gospel
red hot chili pappers: otherside
foo fighters: best of you
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
RIP & Konnichiwa
http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2006/09/04/irwin_hum_zoom0.html?category=animals&guid=20060904083000
That makes Snoobie a sad panda, um, koala.
In other news, Japan finally got a male heir to the throne.
Death and birth -> balance.
Monday, September 04, 2006
This Is Where the Fun Begins!
As you were, men. You can stop the courtesy, milady. XD
So, a bright new month I have before me; much to do, more to see.
Final exam in this year to do, got to get my driving license and a girlfriend. Failure is not an option!1 Let's just hope to Worm, it doesn't all turn out to be just another mummer's farce.
So, a bright new month I have before me; much to do, more to see.
Final exam in this year to do, got to get my driving license and a girlfriend. Failure is not an option!1 Let's just hope to Worm, it doesn't all turn out to be just another mummer's farce.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
It's a Fine Day
Just got back from the Coruscant's downtown where I had my short-story collection bound quite cheaply. The collage building, or as I like to call it, Jedi temple full of Sith (pun intended), houses a copysmith aka. script-provider, and as I was already at the university checking exam schedule, I had it all bound nice and tight. Twenty-two (22) short, mostly original fics, some of the Star Wars, Matrix, and Alien vs Predator franchise. Aah, you can still smell the fresh print. It's intoxicating.
With my other novel, hundred or so pages that one, the final product count is now at 2 completed books. I had one short fic published in the sci-fi/fantasy fanzin already, with some more to come I hope. XD Mind you, this writing business is just a hobby of mine, I not even considering for a moment making it my full-time job. Just something to keep me sane, I guess.
With my other novel, hundred or so pages that one, the final product count is now at 2 completed books. I had one short fic published in the sci-fi/fantasy fanzin already, with some more to come I hope. XD Mind you, this writing business is just a hobby of mine, I not even considering for a moment making it my full-time job. Just something to keep me sane, I guess.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Now Watching: X-Men 2
Even dou it's been a while since it hit the theaters, I've only now managed to watch it on some cable program, as I don't watch movies in cinema, save for Star Wars, 'course XD.
'Tis okay movie, the story's done the same way as in the first picture, e.g. movie adaptation of various comic story arcs, somewhat changed, to make it less confusing to the newbies. All nice and well, but at the same time there are various ester eggs and cameos, that only long time readers will manage or care to notice. Oh, well; al least it's not some crap like the majority of other comic-to-movies.
Nightcrawler almost manages to still the spotlight from Logan, almost, mind you, who does his share carnage and bring pain&doom on the bubs, and that sexy shapeshifting Trickster, among the other pretty mutant girls :drool:, is always nice to look upon. Akhm.
The end of the film, however, brings tears to the fateful readers, who still can't forget the Phoenix Saga, the saddest fantasy epic this side of Aeris' death in FF7.
'Tis okay movie, the story's done the same way as in the first picture, e.g. movie adaptation of various comic story arcs, somewhat changed, to make it less confusing to the newbies. All nice and well, but at the same time there are various ester eggs and cameos, that only long time readers will manage or care to notice. Oh, well; al least it's not some crap like the majority of other comic-to-movies.
Nightcrawler almost manages to still the spotlight from Logan, almost, mind you, who does his share carnage and bring pain&doom on the bubs, and that sexy shapeshifting Trickster, among the other pretty mutant girls :drool:, is always nice to look upon. Akhm.
The end of the film, however, brings tears to the fateful readers, who still can't forget the Phoenix Saga, the saddest fantasy epic this side of Aeris' death in FF7.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
That's No Moon!
''Your planet is gone, son. Accept it.''Pluto lost his galactic status as a planet; now he'll be referred to as 'the small planet' or something like that. That makes me a sad panda. XD
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The Lawnmover
'sup, been off-line a few days now, gone to Dagobah with family over the weekend and then some. Had to move the lawn, cut some bushes and whatnot else. Couldn't make it to that tournament I was planning to attend, dou. Nevermind, I'd probably suck big time anyway, and a breath of fresh air is always good they say.
The kriffin' machine has a mind of it's own it would seem, as it won't work lest you put it outside a few hours prior to actual work that is movin teh lawn XD. All well and good and then some, I understand the engine must adapt to temperature outside and so on, but would it be overmuch to include a simple note in the instruction manual. Na-aah.
The kriffin' machine has a mind of it's own it would seem, as it won't work lest you put it outside a few hours prior to actual work that is movin teh lawn XD. All well and good and then some, I understand the engine must adapt to temperature outside and so on, but would it be overmuch to include a simple note in the instruction manual. Na-aah.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Fanfic I: Showdown at Padme's Apartment
You've probably noticed by now that I like Star Wars as much as the next fan(atic), so here's a short fanfic I wrote, hope you enjoy it.
title: Showdown at Padme's apartment
author: Rhaegar
timeframe: RotS
characters: Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Palpatine, Jar-Jar Binks, Mace Windu, Yoda, Aayla Secura, handmaiden Dore
genre: humor
summary: Things go a little different at Padme's apartment. Mah, just read the 'crawl text' at the beginning.
rating: PG-17 (suggestive themes, swear words)
disclaimer: the author of this fanfiction does not, in any way, profit from the story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s). I own nothing, so don't sue me, please.
***
SHOWDOWN AT PADME'S APARTMENT
WAR! IT'S A DARK TIME FOR GALACTIC REPUBLIC. SEPARATIST LEADERS HAVE MADE A DARING STRIKE INTO TEH HEART OF THE DEMOCRACY AND JUSTICE, KILLING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT BEINGS AND ARE THREATENING WITH UTTER DESTRUCTION OF POLITICAL SYSTEM.
BRAVE WARRIORS AND PRETTY SENATORS ARE FIGHTING AGAINST IMPOSSIBLE ODDS AND JEDI, SITH AND WHATNOT ARE THROWING THEMSELVES INTO THE LOT. CLEARLY TEH STAGE IS SET FOR ENDGAME!
AS THE FALLEN JEDI ANAKIN SKYWALKER GOES VADER ON TEH YOUNGLINGS AND SEPARATIST LEADERS ALIKE, BRAVE JEDI KNIGHT OBI-WAN KENOBI MAKES A PERSONAL VISIT TO TEH SENATOR AMIDALA'S APARTMENT....
Dore: "A Jedi Knight Kenobi wishes to see you, Milady."
Padme: "Send him in and make haste for some refreshments. Close teh blast door on the way out, please."
Dore: "Yes sir, Milady."
/enters Obi, handmaiden serves drink and departs.
Obi. "Hello there."
Padme: "General Kenobi, it's been too long."
/gives him a hug
Obi: Yes, well, the elevator's not working, had to use teh stairs.
Padme: "Oh. I gather your trip was a successfully one?"
Obi: "Fairly."
/looks around the room
Obi:"A nice place you have, Padme. I myself am planning to by it, though."
Padme: "What did you say?!"
Obi: "I have made a contract with the landlord of this facility. Soon, this apartment will be mine."
Padme: "I don't believe you. I can't ..."
Obi: Search your feelings, Padme. And ask the owner; I've already signed the deal."
Padme. "I pay the rent on time, I don't throw up large parties (only for Ani&meself), that fire was an accident, I swear. I don't want to go back to Senate offices; it's dark and cold there. Not like here, where everything's so soft and smooth ..."
Obi: "I shall wipe a tear, 'cos your moving out end of month, senator. Do clean teh floor, will ya?"
/Obi takes something out of his cloak
Obi: "And do you see this hat I have with me?"
Padme: "Yes. What about it?"
Obi: "It's K'Kruhk's Hat, teh ultimate Powah in the galaxy. It' will help me redecorate this apartment, when you're gone."
Padme: "OMG, Obi-Wan. I love that Hat. It's freakin' sweat!"
Obi: "I know."
Padme: "But ... But what about Jedi being forbidden to have personal possession? Isn't the attachment forbidden?"
Obi: "Screw them Jedi codes an' all. I am teh Jedi Master! I deserve to have an apartment of me own! There's no privacy at teh temple. How's a guy to watch twi'lek pron in peace?"
Padme: "Anakin is on teh Council, too. He comes to this apartment, Obi. My apartment. And his's not even a Master yet."
Obi: "Oh, Yeah, that reminds me; Have you seen Anakin lately?"
Padme: "Yesterday."
/walks around the room, Obi follows, takes a sip of drink
Obi: "I've been looking for him ... There's been a rebellion."
Padme: "Is he in danger?"
Obi: "You could say that, yeah."
Padme: "From teh Sith?!"
Obi: "Nope. Padme, Anakin's become a Sith, gone to teh Dark Side an' stuff."
Padme: "How can you say that?!"
Obi: "I've seen recordings of him, killing ... younglings. OMG, teh younglings! No! Must not give in to tears ..."
Padme: "Not Anakin. He couldn't! ... Well maybe, if they were Tuskens or something ..."
Obi: "So you do believe me!"
Padme: "I will not give in to this. Anakin's a good man, well, boy actually, but his lightsaber's really big, ... um, and I know there's still good in him. I know this, Obi-Wan."
Obi. "There's no stopping teh Sith, you know that, Senator. They are evil, dangerous and whatnot!"
Padme: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes. You know that, Master Jedi."
Obi: "Whoops, got me at that one, you did, lass."
/Padme sits on the couch
Padme: "How can this be? Was it something about my cooking? In bed he never complained ..."
Obi: "OMG, I don't want to here that! He was deceived by a lie, Padme. We all were."
Padme: "I ..., um ..."
/Obi sits beside Padme
Obi: "I need your help to track him down and kill him like teh dog that he is, um, I mean, go try and talk to him and turn him away from teh Dark Side."
Padme: "Please don't lok at me like that."
Obi: "Why not?"
Padme: "It makes me feel uncomfortable."
Obi. "Hey, Jedi do have feeling too, you know."
Padme: "I'm sorry. I can't help you."
/Padme looks away
Obi: "Anakin is teh father, isn't he?"
Padme: "Well, doh. It's not Organa's or something, if you thought that."
/enters Palpatine
Palps: "Greetings fair citizens of teh Republic. A pleasant and above all happy day to you all."
Obi. "chancellor Palpatine."
/gives a bow
Padme: "You came sooner than I expected, chancellor."
Obi: "He did? You're expecting him?"
Palps: "Yes, the traffic was rather thin, I must say. Gotten meself here earlier, I'm afraid."
Obi: "Hello, a cluless Jedi, right here! Is there a party I was not invited to or something?"
Padme: "An informal party; just between the chancellor and meself."
Obi: "OMG. Please, don't say you're banging him, too."
Palps. "Why, teh very idea ..."
Obi: "Hey, it's starwars."
Palps. "Oh. Right you are. Do cary on."
Padme: "Nothing like that, General, rest assured."
Obi: "I'll rest when teh Sith are completely exterminated."
Padme: "What about that 'Sith and absolutes' dogma, Master Jedi?"
Obi: "Meditate I will on that. Later. Now I've got a fallen jedi and sith to kill. Wouldn't you now it; they are my specialty."
Padme:/giggles "He said, 'specialty'. "
Palps: "I see. Well, this might come to you as a shock, but ... I AM TEH SITH LORD!"
Obi: "OMFG!!!!1111"
Padme: "Um, ...What he said."
Palps: "Yup, Fooled you all, didn't I. The Dark Side is a pathway to many abilities that some may consider to be unnatural."
Padme: "Like what?"
Obi: "Not a good move, senator."
Palps: "Your arrogance blinds you, Master Jedi. Now you shall experience teh tr00 powah of teh Dark Side!"
Obi: "Arrogance? What kriffing arrogance are we taking about here?! Anakin's the arrogant one! Yours Truly is just an ordinary, humble Jedi, sworn to serve teh Republic and keep Justice and peace in teh Galaxy. If you believe that BS."
/Palpatine uses Force-Lightning
/Obi deflects the lightning on the curtains, which burst to flame
Padme: "OMG!11 Teh curtains, they're on fire!!111 Obi-Wan, how could you??!!"
Obi: "STFU beeyotch!!22"
Padme: "w00t?!?"
Obi: "Shut. TheF**k. Up."
Padme: "You fiend!"
/Obi gets bitch-slapped by Padme; charisma-20, anger+10
Palps: "Uu, uu!, I wanted to do that!"
Padme: "Can it, fag!"
Palps: "Oh, yeah, figures. Pick on teh kinky guy, why don't ya?"
/enters Jar-jar Binks, Gungan representative in teh Senate
Jar-Jar: "Obi? Obi! Messa so happy to see you!"
/hugs'stuff
Obi. "it's nice to see you too, Jar-Jar.'' /sarcasm off
Padme: "How did you get in teh apartment, J-J? The blast doors are locked per my strict orders."
Jar-Jar: "Been in her majesty bedroom, dis gungan did, aye."
Obi. "w00t?"
Palps: "really, my dear. I must be frank. The thought of you banging with him; it's unbearable."
Padme: "Noo! Is not like that, is not! Crazy duck's been stalking me again, is true. Ever since he came to Coruscant with me, always putting his ears and tongue where he shouldn't."
Palps: "Tongue?!"
Obi: "Astral sick!"
Padme: "Is not like a like that crazy duck. All I want is Ani and his love.''
Obi: "Oh, now I feel sooo much better."
Padme: "... never did it even with Palo, and he had such dreamy eyes. Just ones with Dorme, when we were alone, and the wine was cold and our hearts hot..."
Palps&Obi: "Damn."
/Jar-Jar tries to sneak out of the room, breaks a vase.
Obi: "Jar-Jar Binks. You are as clumsy as you are stupid."
Jar-Jar: "Oh-oh. Ouch time, this one thinkz."
Palps. "Right you are!"
/Jar-jar gets hit by Force Lightning, instant kill
Padme: "U, yami; roasted duck, my fav."
/starts eating Jar-Jar's smoking remains
Padme: "What are you looking at me like that? I'm pregnant, I have to eat for two now."
Obi. "Three, actually."
Padme: "What? Oh, no! I can't have twins. Have hardly enough savings to raise one. The senator wage isn't that big and Anakin doesn't get paid either."
Obi: "Should have thought about that before."
Palps: "I second that."
/door open, enter Mace, Yoda, Aayla Secura and some random, unimportant jedi
Padme: "What, again? I thought I had them locked. No privacy, sheesh."
Palps: "Master Windu. You survived."
Mace: "Yeah, this nigga's hard to kill, bughugger."
Obi: "I really am curious. How did you survive? I wager the lightning and the fall were rather rough."
Mace: "Aayla used her skillz on me."
Padme: "And we all now Aayla's skillz, don't we?"
Mace: "Yup."
Palps: "She's not in teh Council for her Force skill, this one."
Yoda: "Fact."
Obi: "I'm not even gonna say it."
Yoda: "About your apprentice's actions we've heard. Allow it, we can't."
Palps: "Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?!"
Mace: "The Senate will decide your fate."
Yoda: "That to say, I wanted."
Mace: "Well I already said it, so hush, kermit!"
Palps: "Akhm, if we could please continue. I have an Empire to build."
Mace. "Right, sorry. Akhm: You are under arrest, Milord!"
Palps: "I AM THE SENATE! And the Courts; I have them bribed, too!"
Padme /with mouth full of duck: "You fiend!"
Mace: "Not anymore. We will end this once and for all!"
Palps: "That dogma of yours; absolutes and Sith? Rings a bell?"
Aylla: "He's right, my Master."
Yoda: "To the hot twi'lek chick you must listen, Mace. Save you, it can."
Palps: "I'll issue special Order 69 just for you, my dear." /gives a wink
Aylla: "You assume too much! I only give free BJ for teh Light Side."
Palps: "Oh no, my little, um, blue friend. You'll find out that it's you who are mistaken. About a great many things."
Mace: "What things?"
Palps: "Great many things. Want a list?"
Yoda: "At teh end your reign is, evil-doer. And not short enough it was."
Obi: "Heh. He said 'evil-doer'."
Padme: "And then they say my lines are bad."
Mace: "STFU bitchez! an' grab teh pillows! This is where teh fun begins!"
/fancy lightsaber action, Yoda jumps and whirls around, Mace and Obi fight Palpatine who is zapping everyone with Force-lightning, Padme snacks on Jar-Jar. And Anakin? He's waiting on Mustafar, watching a pretty volcanic scene.
***
title: Showdown at Padme's apartment
author: Rhaegar
timeframe: RotS
characters: Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Palpatine, Jar-Jar Binks, Mace Windu, Yoda, Aayla Secura, handmaiden Dore
genre: humor
summary: Things go a little different at Padme's apartment. Mah, just read the 'crawl text' at the beginning.
rating: PG-17 (suggestive themes, swear words)
disclaimer: the author of this fanfiction does not, in any way, profit from the story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s). I own nothing, so don't sue me, please.
***
SHOWDOWN AT PADME'S APARTMENT
WAR! IT'S A DARK TIME FOR GALACTIC REPUBLIC. SEPARATIST LEADERS HAVE MADE A DARING STRIKE INTO TEH HEART OF THE DEMOCRACY AND JUSTICE, KILLING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT BEINGS AND ARE THREATENING WITH UTTER DESTRUCTION OF POLITICAL SYSTEM.
BRAVE WARRIORS AND PRETTY SENATORS ARE FIGHTING AGAINST IMPOSSIBLE ODDS AND JEDI, SITH AND WHATNOT ARE THROWING THEMSELVES INTO THE LOT. CLEARLY TEH STAGE IS SET FOR ENDGAME!
AS THE FALLEN JEDI ANAKIN SKYWALKER GOES VADER ON TEH YOUNGLINGS AND SEPARATIST LEADERS ALIKE, BRAVE JEDI KNIGHT OBI-WAN KENOBI MAKES A PERSONAL VISIT TO TEH SENATOR AMIDALA'S APARTMENT....
Dore: "A Jedi Knight Kenobi wishes to see you, Milady."
Padme: "Send him in and make haste for some refreshments. Close teh blast door on the way out, please."
Dore: "Yes sir, Milady."
/enters Obi, handmaiden serves drink and departs.
Obi. "Hello there."
Padme: "General Kenobi, it's been too long."
/gives him a hug
Obi: Yes, well, the elevator's not working, had to use teh stairs.
Padme: "Oh. I gather your trip was a successfully one?"
Obi: "Fairly."
/looks around the room
Obi:"A nice place you have, Padme. I myself am planning to by it, though."
Padme: "What did you say?!"
Obi: "I have made a contract with the landlord of this facility. Soon, this apartment will be mine."
Padme: "I don't believe you. I can't ..."
Obi: Search your feelings, Padme. And ask the owner; I've already signed the deal."
Padme. "I pay the rent on time, I don't throw up large parties (only for Ani&meself), that fire was an accident, I swear. I don't want to go back to Senate offices; it's dark and cold there. Not like here, where everything's so soft and smooth ..."
Obi: "I shall wipe a tear, 'cos your moving out end of month, senator. Do clean teh floor, will ya?"
/Obi takes something out of his cloak
Obi: "And do you see this hat I have with me?"
Padme: "Yes. What about it?"
Obi: "It's K'Kruhk's Hat, teh ultimate Powah in the galaxy. It' will help me redecorate this apartment, when you're gone."
Padme: "OMG, Obi-Wan. I love that Hat. It's freakin' sweat!"
Obi: "I know."
Padme: "But ... But what about Jedi being forbidden to have personal possession? Isn't the attachment forbidden?"
Obi: "Screw them Jedi codes an' all. I am teh Jedi Master! I deserve to have an apartment of me own! There's no privacy at teh temple. How's a guy to watch twi'lek pron in peace?"
Padme: "Anakin is on teh Council, too. He comes to this apartment, Obi. My apartment. And his's not even a Master yet."
Obi: "Oh, Yeah, that reminds me; Have you seen Anakin lately?"
Padme: "Yesterday."
/walks around the room, Obi follows, takes a sip of drink
Obi: "I've been looking for him ... There's been a rebellion."
Padme: "Is he in danger?"
Obi: "You could say that, yeah."
Padme: "From teh Sith?!"
Obi: "Nope. Padme, Anakin's become a Sith, gone to teh Dark Side an' stuff."
Padme: "How can you say that?!"
Obi: "I've seen recordings of him, killing ... younglings. OMG, teh younglings! No! Must not give in to tears ..."
Padme: "Not Anakin. He couldn't! ... Well maybe, if they were Tuskens or something ..."
Obi: "So you do believe me!"
Padme: "I will not give in to this. Anakin's a good man, well, boy actually, but his lightsaber's really big, ... um, and I know there's still good in him. I know this, Obi-Wan."
Obi. "There's no stopping teh Sith, you know that, Senator. They are evil, dangerous and whatnot!"
Padme: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes. You know that, Master Jedi."
Obi: "Whoops, got me at that one, you did, lass."
/Padme sits on the couch
Padme: "How can this be? Was it something about my cooking? In bed he never complained ..."
Obi: "OMG, I don't want to here that! He was deceived by a lie, Padme. We all were."
Padme: "I ..., um ..."
/Obi sits beside Padme
Obi: "I need your help to track him down and kill him like teh dog that he is, um, I mean, go try and talk to him and turn him away from teh Dark Side."
Padme: "Please don't lok at me like that."
Obi: "Why not?"
Padme: "It makes me feel uncomfortable."
Obi. "Hey, Jedi do have feeling too, you know."
Padme: "I'm sorry. I can't help you."
/Padme looks away
Obi: "Anakin is teh father, isn't he?"
Padme: "Well, doh. It's not Organa's or something, if you thought that."
/enters Palpatine
Palps: "Greetings fair citizens of teh Republic. A pleasant and above all happy day to you all."
Obi. "chancellor Palpatine."
/gives a bow
Padme: "You came sooner than I expected, chancellor."
Obi: "He did? You're expecting him?"
Palps: "Yes, the traffic was rather thin, I must say. Gotten meself here earlier, I'm afraid."
Obi: "Hello, a cluless Jedi, right here! Is there a party I was not invited to or something?"
Padme: "An informal party; just between the chancellor and meself."
Obi: "OMG. Please, don't say you're banging him, too."
Palps. "Why, teh very idea ..."
Obi: "Hey, it's starwars."
Palps. "Oh. Right you are. Do cary on."
Padme: "Nothing like that, General, rest assured."
Obi: "I'll rest when teh Sith are completely exterminated."
Padme: "What about that 'Sith and absolutes' dogma, Master Jedi?"
Obi: "Meditate I will on that. Later. Now I've got a fallen jedi and sith to kill. Wouldn't you now it; they are my specialty."
Padme:/giggles "He said, 'specialty'. "
Palps: "I see. Well, this might come to you as a shock, but ... I AM TEH SITH LORD!"
Obi: "OMFG!!!!1111"
Padme: "Um, ...What he said."
Palps: "Yup, Fooled you all, didn't I. The Dark Side is a pathway to many abilities that some may consider to be unnatural."
Padme: "Like what?"
Obi: "Not a good move, senator."
Palps: "Your arrogance blinds you, Master Jedi. Now you shall experience teh tr00 powah of teh Dark Side!"
Obi: "Arrogance? What kriffing arrogance are we taking about here?! Anakin's the arrogant one! Yours Truly is just an ordinary, humble Jedi, sworn to serve teh Republic and keep Justice and peace in teh Galaxy. If you believe that BS."
/Palpatine uses Force-Lightning
/Obi deflects the lightning on the curtains, which burst to flame
Padme: "OMG!11 Teh curtains, they're on fire!!111 Obi-Wan, how could you??!!"
Obi: "STFU beeyotch!!22"
Padme: "w00t?!?"
Obi: "Shut. TheF**k. Up."
Padme: "You fiend!"
/Obi gets bitch-slapped by Padme; charisma-20, anger+10
Palps: "Uu, uu!, I wanted to do that!"
Padme: "Can it, fag!"
Palps: "Oh, yeah, figures. Pick on teh kinky guy, why don't ya?"
/enters Jar-jar Binks, Gungan representative in teh Senate
Jar-Jar: "Obi? Obi! Messa so happy to see you!"
/hugs'stuff
Obi. "it's nice to see you too, Jar-Jar.'' /sarcasm off
Padme: "How did you get in teh apartment, J-J? The blast doors are locked per my strict orders."
Jar-Jar: "Been in her majesty bedroom, dis gungan did, aye."
Obi. "w00t?"
Palps: "really, my dear. I must be frank. The thought of you banging with him; it's unbearable."
Padme: "Noo! Is not like that, is not! Crazy duck's been stalking me again, is true. Ever since he came to Coruscant with me, always putting his ears and tongue where he shouldn't."
Palps: "Tongue?!"
Obi: "Astral sick!"
Padme: "Is not like a like that crazy duck. All I want is Ani and his love.''
Obi: "Oh, now I feel sooo much better."
Padme: "... never did it even with Palo, and he had such dreamy eyes. Just ones with Dorme, when we were alone, and the wine was cold and our hearts hot..."
Palps&Obi: "Damn."
/Jar-Jar tries to sneak out of the room, breaks a vase.
Obi: "Jar-Jar Binks. You are as clumsy as you are stupid."
Jar-Jar: "Oh-oh. Ouch time, this one thinkz."
Palps. "Right you are!"
/Jar-jar gets hit by Force Lightning, instant kill
Padme: "U, yami; roasted duck, my fav."
/starts eating Jar-Jar's smoking remains
Padme: "What are you looking at me like that? I'm pregnant, I have to eat for two now."
Obi. "Three, actually."
Padme: "What? Oh, no! I can't have twins. Have hardly enough savings to raise one. The senator wage isn't that big and Anakin doesn't get paid either."
Obi: "Should have thought about that before."
Palps: "I second that."
/door open, enter Mace, Yoda, Aayla Secura and some random, unimportant jedi
Padme: "What, again? I thought I had them locked. No privacy, sheesh."
Palps: "Master Windu. You survived."
Mace: "Yeah, this nigga's hard to kill, bughugger."
Obi: "I really am curious. How did you survive? I wager the lightning and the fall were rather rough."
Mace: "Aayla used her skillz on me."
Padme: "And we all now Aayla's skillz, don't we?"
Mace: "Yup."
Palps: "She's not in teh Council for her Force skill, this one."
Yoda: "Fact."
Obi: "I'm not even gonna say it."
Yoda: "About your apprentice's actions we've heard. Allow it, we can't."
Palps: "Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?!"
Mace: "The Senate will decide your fate."
Yoda: "That to say, I wanted."
Mace: "Well I already said it, so hush, kermit!"
Palps: "Akhm, if we could please continue. I have an Empire to build."
Mace. "Right, sorry. Akhm: You are under arrest, Milord!"
Palps: "I AM THE SENATE! And the Courts; I have them bribed, too!"
Padme /with mouth full of duck: "You fiend!"
Mace: "Not anymore. We will end this once and for all!"
Palps: "That dogma of yours; absolutes and Sith? Rings a bell?"
Aylla: "He's right, my Master."
Yoda: "To the hot twi'lek chick you must listen, Mace. Save you, it can."
Palps: "I'll issue special Order 69 just for you, my dear." /gives a wink
Aylla: "You assume too much! I only give free BJ for teh Light Side."
Palps: "Oh no, my little, um, blue friend. You'll find out that it's you who are mistaken. About a great many things."
Mace: "What things?"
Palps: "Great many things. Want a list?"
Yoda: "At teh end your reign is, evil-doer. And not short enough it was."
Obi: "Heh. He said 'evil-doer'."
Padme: "And then they say my lines are bad."
Mace: "STFU bitchez! an' grab teh pillows! This is where teh fun begins!"
/fancy lightsaber action, Yoda jumps and whirls around, Mace and Obi fight Palpatine who is zapping everyone with Force-lightning, Padme snacks on Jar-Jar. And Anakin? He's waiting on Mustafar, watching a pretty volcanic scene.
***
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
RIP David Gemmell
I've just found out that one of my favorite fantasy writers passed away. Heroic fantasy at its best, no crappy tolkien folk tales and political intrigues, just pure action and adventure.
If you haven't read it yet, fix that problem now.
What realy gets me, is that if it weren't for the internet and various sci-fi/fantasy forums I would have completely missed it. Some important politician or normal writer/artist dies and the whole world knows it, but if he/she's some speculative fiction author then nobody cares it seems, at least in some countries. Sabbaac pot it would be different with potter's mom.
Here's some links for additional information:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5224868.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Gemmell
If you haven't read it yet, fix that problem now.
What realy gets me, is that if it weren't for the internet and various sci-fi/fantasy forums I would have completely missed it. Some important politician or normal writer/artist dies and the whole world knows it, but if he/she's some speculative fiction author then nobody cares it seems, at least in some countries. Sabbaac pot it would be different with potter's mom.
Here's some links for additional information:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5224868.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Gemmell
Monday, August 14, 2006
Hadoken
There's this video fighting tournament coming in a week or so which I have a mind of going to, that is if I can arrange a transport there for meself. Not having your own car, or a driving license for that matter, sure can be a problem at times. Oh yea, it will be swell; a bunch of geeks and non-geeks showing their mad playing skillz and beating the snot of eachother in Tekken, Soul Calibur, Street fighter and whatnot.
So, with highest hopes of attending there I broke up an old Sony psx and started practicing.
The AI's not a real challenge compared even to noob, but it sure is more exciting to play arcade or world tour then mere practice. A problem accured just then. Look at Jaina's tampon, it's soaking red!1 Pray she doesn't tell her Lannister, else the Sony's breath is as short as Padme's. XD
See, in order to save game progress you have to own the ps1 memorycard, even if you play it on ps2. Backward compatibility's great and all but if you don't have the right card you're pretty much Palp's Red Guard. Even dou I had a fresh ps2 card, I had to delete some of the old data from the ps1 one to save on it. All nice and well, at least for me, but ps1 are hard to come by these days, since ps3 is due any time now, and so are the old ps1 memorycards. I mean, you go and buy a new ps2 or 3, a bunch of old, but still good and fun games, which you won't have a problem playing because of that backward compatibility. Now you only have to find the old memorycards.
It's the same with old pc games not working properly on the new machines or at least having major gameplay/music problems. Or when the price of the new console drops to the reasonable level the games that came out two years ago are already all sold out. Might as well stock up on games and m-cards before actually buying the machine. Ok, I'll stop complaining now.
So, with highest hopes of attending there I broke up an old Sony psx and started practicing.
The AI's not a real challenge compared even to noob, but it sure is more exciting to play arcade or world tour then mere practice. A problem accured just then. Look at Jaina's tampon, it's soaking red!1 Pray she doesn't tell her Lannister, else the Sony's breath is as short as Padme's. XD
See, in order to save game progress you have to own the ps1 memorycard, even if you play it on ps2. Backward compatibility's great and all but if you don't have the right card you're pretty much Palp's Red Guard. Even dou I had a fresh ps2 card, I had to delete some of the old data from the ps1 one to save on it. All nice and well, at least for me, but ps1 are hard to come by these days, since ps3 is due any time now, and so are the old ps1 memorycards. I mean, you go and buy a new ps2 or 3, a bunch of old, but still good and fun games, which you won't have a problem playing because of that backward compatibility. Now you only have to find the old memorycards.
It's the same with old pc games not working properly on the new machines or at least having major gameplay/music problems. Or when the price of the new console drops to the reasonable level the games that came out two years ago are already all sold out. Might as well stock up on games and m-cards before actually buying the machine. Ok, I'll stop complaining now.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Storm is coming
The weather is just not right these days, methinks, or for the past few weeks for that matter. No summer sun and 30+ degrees, that's 30*1.8 +32 in F, in the shade alone. Nay, all we get here is cloudy sky and rain, rain and, yes, you are correct, even more rain. Winter is coming. Had to end my vacation early, else I would be in Riverrun for another week or so. Which is just as well, since I have an exam coming in less than a month, that will hopefully alove for level up and extra EXP points. No MP, dou.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Prologue
PROLOGUE
And the angel said to them: "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."
The good news, of course, being my new blog XD
Yes, distinqueshed gentlemen and milady, a maid most kind and fair, it's true, I do blog.
Despite my past claims to the contrary, never to write one myself, it happened just that.
Time passes and time changes. So do people.
I won't describe all the mundane daily facts here, not make lists of what I'm reading/listening/eating either. For that you can check my profile once it's updated. Instead, I'll just try to write a few sentences or paragraphs about things that cought my attention, or sometimes post a link to a story written by yours truly. Anything could happen.
So Superman on Batman and visit this blog as I write about life, universe and other important things(tm). Or possibly not, of course.
(Whoever understands the Superman/Batman reference; consider yourself a No-Prize Big Cookie(tm) recipient XD)
And the angel said to them: "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."
The good news, of course, being my new blog XD
Yes, distinqueshed gentlemen and milady, a maid most kind and fair, it's true, I do blog.
Despite my past claims to the contrary, never to write one myself, it happened just that.
Time passes and time changes. So do people.
I won't describe all the mundane daily facts here, not make lists of what I'm reading/listening/eating either. For that you can check my profile once it's updated. Instead, I'll just try to write a few sentences or paragraphs about things that cought my attention, or sometimes post a link to a story written by yours truly. Anything could happen.
So Superman on Batman and visit this blog as I write about life, universe and other important things(tm). Or possibly not, of course.
(Whoever understands the Superman/Batman reference; consider yourself a No-Prize Big Cookie(tm) recipient XD)
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